I just want to talk.
I want our words to intertwine like melodies,
and I want those melodies to turn into songs
that I can listen to on my way to class.
No, I don’t want to feel your touch
the first time we meet,
and no, I don’t need you to give me
anything I didn’t explicitly ask for.
I’m not giving you any of my body
when there’s barely enough of it for me
to revive my own thoughts healthily,
when there’s not yet enough of it for me
to know I’m worth more
in a society where wearing less is more,
when there’s not yet enough of it for me
to give you the benefit of the doubt
that you asking to hang out past ten
is just to get to know me.
It’s not.
It’s not to get to talk.
It’s not to get to learn what my voice sounds like
before you go expecting something more—
before you go expecting to know what it sounds like
when I wake up in the morning.
I need your words to bring me some life
because I’ve been losing some.
Every time someone tells me it’s okay
to not know the person
when all I want
is to know everything about you:
to know what makes you
turn and tick,
what makes you passionate,
what would you pick
between love and lust—
I know the answer
but I’m still starving for connection.
I want to be asked these questions.
I wish hooking up wasn’t invented.
In a life where less is more,
where how you dress is more,
where baggy shirts are criminal
but tight shirts
make you a whore;
I’m getting tired of
wearing baggy clothes
so that you’ll listen to my words.
So that you’ll listen to them
and they’ll resonate.
I don’t want to hear a whistle
on my way down the street.
I don’t want to hear you clapping
as you drive by,
applauding me
for not screaming something back.
I don’t want to see your smirk
out the window
when you get the reaction you wanted from me.
I don’t want to feel your eyes
on everything but mine.
I want to hear my own footsteps,
so I can listen to
the only sound
that has ever brought me anywhere.
Because I clearly can’t count on the sound
of your voice,
or the weight in your words,
or the sound of a melody,
or a text at ten o’clock that reads:
"Want to talk?
I’ll just listen."
